Close Your Eyes and Feeeel

June 21, 2016

 Europe has taught me many many beautiful things. The first thing I can think of is that if it makes you uncomfortable DO IT ! If it's "not your thing" DO IT ! AND MAKE IT YOUR THING ! Last night my friend Emma - Also goes by Kyotocat , an international freelance model and forest nymph , a beauty and free spirit -  and I went out to the clubs in Budapest. Clubbing isn't really my thing buuuut ooooooooh man ... a few drinks later I lost all fucks and realized Im in BUDAPEST! It's time to make it my thing. We had sooo much fun ! The clubs out here are amazing! They look like underground jungle / artsy run down palaces . Its a fucking playground ! Too fun to explore! The reason why I don't like clubs is because of the intention now a days . It isn't so much about dancing and celebrating life its more like how can i get laid ? :| :/ Suuper annoying! Its so rare to find people dancing with themselves and expressing their individuality . People have loss sense of that and its sad. Anyways, after an hr of men just tryna grind , I learned how to hold my space. If you were next to me in the club, you had to give me about 2 ft of room cause the way i dance i need my space! I was kicking , elbowing, spinning, head banging all out ! Dancing by myself, eventually the guys learned to back off cause they didn't have a chance in my world. It was so funny hearing how they would attempt to make conversation! With absolutley no individuality what so ever! They might as well have said "I want to fuck you." 

So a few drinks Later they start playing swing electro music and Emma is a free spirit like me too . We both love dancing in our space and incredibly free and outrageous ! Suddenly we found ourselves turning the whole place into a playground ! Breaking all the boundaries ! Going fucking wild ! Dancing and jumping off of benches , around tables and chairs up and down the aisles and the stairs ! Fucking with people getting them to dance with us . We were like mimes but waaaay cooler haha! I felt like i was in the parent trap ! That scene where they do the handshake with the butler! That was the energy we carried ! So free fun and playful ! So pure like kids ! We tore it up! Completely owned the night!  It was great! Was straight out of a movie !

That taught me a lot. I never want to limit myself ever again! There are so many things in life where i think to myself oh I would NEVER do that. FUCK THAT ! I think its about learning how to immerse yourself in the unknown and uncomfortable and fucking own it ! In those moments , that is when you connect with your true self on a waaay deeper level. 

Meeting Patrick the other day was amazing. Patrick is the man who found my website and booked my flights and hotels. He did so for me and my best friend. He was a mystery man for a while. We took a huge risk. I got the opportunity a few months ago. He reached out and I was a bit skeptical. I did my due diligence. I did tons of research and contacted many model references. I had a good feeling about it. Honestly, within a few mins I knew i was going to experience the adventure of a lifetime. I made my decision by instinct, by heart in a short amount of time. The rest of the research were just positive affirmations. Eventually , Ariel (best friend) asked if she could come to . I  asked him and he was delighted to book all flights and hotels for her too. I asked him if she could model with us. He asked if she had any experience. I said no which was the truth but I knew she could do it. I wanted her to experience that pure meditation . I wanted to teach her , give her some ideas and watch her run wild ! As sisters, I believe we are supposed to empower another not be competitive towards another. During the shoot , she did so well! It brought me to tears because I learned that I believe our purpose in life is to find what we love , find our purpose and give it away . After we did our individual shoots, we got the chance to nude art model together. We became one with another. In that process , I felt such a deep sisterhood connection , not just through us but through all sisters throughout the world. Each pose was a prayer, a spell for the divine feminine coming into our true power.  That, that was pure magic. I can't wait to share the results ! 

 Anyways the entire trip we are staying in fuckin palaces of Paris and Budapest being driving all over the city ! Food and events all taken care of ! Being treated like Queens!! He arranged a photo shoot with us a week after we arrived in Europe. The 2nd day of being in Budapest after Paris. I was so anxious to meet with him. I had no idea what to expect. I was kind of afraid.. When i met him, he was everything I hoped he would be and more. At dinner, we did a toast and he said thank you for taking the risk. In that moment , for me, it wasn't just the risk in coming to Europe, it was a toast to every risk it took to get here. With tears in my eyes I raised my glass , looked out into our beautiful view of the Palaces of Budapest near by, and I drank up ! 
Life is a dream . It's anything you want it to be really. Tomorrow we leave for Berlin. I can't wait to see where this next adventure unfolds. I am home. 


You are dancing in an empty mind. 
A room with 4 white walls covered in blank canvases.
You sing but there is no sound coming out of your mouth.
You dance and there is no music .
Nothing but your beating heart.
That is life.
We are holding space in our empty white box; our mind. 
Nothing matters but our own perception.
See the world as empty . 
See it as a blank canvas. 
As yours to create anything you can imagine. 
Fill it up with your every ambition. 
The world is full of chaos and distractions. 
Quiet the mind for a minute 
Create your story.
You are infinite. 



 

 



 

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